In the past month, I’ve been poked and analyzed, given feedback, asked about my progress and then given more feedback. I’m exhausted!
I’ve taken the Meyers Briggs. The FIRO-B. The Leadership Derailer Test. I’ve spoken with a coach – twice. I’ve had 360 feedback. I’ve had my review with my boss. I’ve had feedback from colleagues and from work teams.
And there’s a sadly consistent theme here: my impatience carries a price, for my colleagues, my friends and myself. I can appear bored (OK, because sometimes I am bored, but I guess I shouldn’t show it) and disengaged when we go into a level of detail beyond my level of interest. Because I move fast, I can be careless and inconsiderate. My derailers are my penchant for melodrama (I’m sure that’s not much of a shocker for my regular readers) and eccentricity.
I look at all this and I have to ask myself the question – have I gotten a little too caught up in the wondrous myth of me? Well, yeah, probably.
So I’m off to self-improvement land. First stop: patience. How, exactly, does one become patient? How do you slow down when you’re used to only going full-speed ahead? I started with a trip to Cleveland, to be with my mom for a week. My mom, as you may know, has some very serious health problems facing her. It was great to spend a full week with her, because it gave me an appreciation of what she is dealing with on a daily basis. And bless her heart, it showed me what impatience looks like to the receiver. Because impatience
and my mother just might be synonyms for each other.
Whenever something doesn’t work on the first attempt, my mother yells at it. The phrase almost always begins (don’t read this if you’re sensitive), “That goddamn [fill in the blank]…!” Computer, cell phone, DVD machine, dishwasher, etc. This is followed by aggravated pounding on the object in disgrace. I am then called to the scene of the machine’s crime to try and fix it, with my mother standing over my shoulder, anxiously awaiting the results.
Note to self: impatience is not attractive.
OK, second stop: clumsiness. Honestly? This is a huge problem for me. My brain to fingers or mouth governor seems to have a leak in it. While some people find my candor endearing, others find it appalling. Combine this with two other famous McKenzie flaws, carelessness and melodrama, and you have
all the ingredients for hurt feelings. With me standing there saying, “What?? What?? What did I do??”
I could go on and on, but I’ll spare you the self-indulgence. I must say, though, this felt pretty good. Confession, indeed, must be good for the soul. And I can see myself rationalizing my flaws as I go. For example:
- Impatient?
You bet. But I prefer to think of it as action-biased.
- Melodramatic?
I prefer to think of that as deeply passionate.
- Careless? Uhh,
let’s see. I’m a fast thinker and sometimes one or two small items get past me? (This rationalization needs more work)
- Forgetful?
That’s because I’m so busy thinking great thoughts!
You see how easy it is to ignore all the well-intentioned feedback. But I’m taking it to heart. All of it. Except the melodrama and eccentricity – I’m sorry, I can’t let go of those. But you watch for a kinder, more patient and maybe even more delicate McKenzie – the new model will be out very soon. Or at least we can all hope.
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